Stars – Patricia Elliott

Starting Over…

When I was 41, my husband left me. Over time, he wanted to come back, but I refused to let him return home, unless he got help with his addictions and anger. But I should have acknowledged by that point that my marriage was over and had been for a long time. We’d been married for 21 years, but it wasn’t going well. He had gotten into some stuff that wasn’t good or safe for myself or the kids. Three years passed and soon it was 2022, and I got the fateful call. The stuff he had gotten into had killed him, and I was a widow at just 44 years old. Fentanyl had taken another life.

Now, not only was I trying to figure out who I was as a woman, I was also trying to figure out who I was as a widow, and now officially single. What kind of life did I want for myself? Who did I want to be? What kind of example did I want to set for my kids? In life, we are going to face all sorts of disappointments and traumatic situations, and when we do, we have a choice to make. We can rise to the challenge or we can fall. We can choose to let depression take over and wallow in our miserable existence, or we can make a decision to live. I found that when the hard times hit, my mindset was everything.

That isn’t to say that you don’t allow yourself to mourn or that you don’t deal with negative emotions, but you also know that your life is going to be what you make it. Life isn’t just our sad times or our bad times, so you either learn to rise and rebuild or you let them destroy you. Hard times are inevitable. We can’t get through life without hard times, but how we respond or what we choose to do when they happen will make or break us.

So I rose up. I made a change to a better job with better pay. I mourned for my husband, and then I chose to find love again. This time, I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want in a relationship. I wanted someone who would step up and be a true partner, and not act like another child. I wanted someone who knew what they wanted out of life and was already established. I wanted someone who was kind and gentle and knew how to handle their anger. Someone who would never take it out on me and wouldn’t abuse me when they were angry.

I started dating for the first time in 24 years. I met some nice guys, who I saw more than once, and then others, who, quite frankly, gave me the willies. And then when one guy said he didn’t think it was going to work out after two months, I met an incredible man on Bumble. I know this is probably cliché, but I could see the beauty of his soul in his eyes. He’d faced hardships in this life, but he didn’t allow those to define him. He rose above them just like I had. He takes care of me and is super supportive. Even after a busy day, he doesn’t come home to sleep. He invests his time to help around the house and spends quality time with me. He doesn’t live all his life on a video game or with his nose in his phone. He’s present with me and I love him incredibly. He wants to help my kids be the best version of themselves and invests his time to help them. I couldn’t ask for a better man in my life.

I never thought that love could be this way. I’m able to share my feelings and not worry about getting my head chewed off, and he’s receptive to my fears. Sometimes I still feel like the other shoe is going to drop, and I know he sometimes worries about the same, but honestly, we’re so similar, but different enough, that it just works so amazingly. When my dad died, he was there for me. He took care of stuff around the house and took care of me while I processed what happened.

I guess I’m kind of rambling, but the point I wanted to make is that, no matter your age, you can start over. It’s not the end of the road when something tragic happens, it’s a vehicle to create change. How your life turns out really depends on your mindset. If you believe the world is out to get you and always complain about everything, that’s exactly what will happen because it’s all you train yourself to see. My husband had that mentality, and it fostered such a bad temperament that it was draining. You need to surround yourself with people who want to reach for the stars.

So I hope you will join me in reaching for the stars by joining my newsletter. You will also receive a free short story in the process called, “Into the Fire.”