Seems selfish doesn’t it? Investing in oneself as opposed to other people. Isn’t happiness found most in when you serve others? That is true on one hand, but to truly be happy, one must be happy with who they are too.
So often we live for other people that we forget to take care of ourselves, and we invest so much in others that we forget that we are important to. This is something that all mothers will relate to. When we have kids, lives become about the kids. Keeping them safe and happy, and alive. Not always an easy task to accomplish when they are sitting there crying or screaming that their bread wasn’t cut the right way.
I used to get up every day and just start focusing on others. Feed the kids. Dress the kids. Make sure hubby was happy and all the while forgetting to take care of myself. I didn’t do my hair. Didn’t do makeup. Didn’t dress up. Didn’t care to dress up really, just give me sweatpants, leggings and a t-shirt that I shared with my husband and I was ready to go for the day. Heck, I rarely went for hair cuts. I just recently got my hair cut for the first time in like 8 years.
But over the last few years, and especially last year since my husband passed away, I’ve been rediscovering myself. Trying to find my style and who I am at 45 years old.
Funny eh? I’m still learning who I am at 45. Does the learning or growing ever end? Do we ever stop evolving into the next person we’re going to be? Ever changing, ever learning.
I’m wearing dresses, and trying to take pride in my appearance. I’m also attempting to style my layered hair. I’m currently failing miserably at styling, but I’m trying to invest in myself because I’m worth investing into. And so are you.
Of course, being happy with yourself isn’t based on how you look on the outside, but whether you are happy with who you are on the inside. And when you are happy inside, it shows on the outside in your smile…in your eyes…
However, don’t forget to spoil yourself too…you deserve it. Get that dress you love. Get those shoes. That purse that screams YOU. Walk down the street with your head held high, not because of anything you wear, but because you know who you are. And YOU ARE WORTH EVERY PENNY YOU CAN INVEST IN YOURSELF! Get that new job. Take that new class to learn something new. You are smart and amazing. And can do anything you set your mind to!
Vortex of Desire is an amazing adventure into perilous worlds and exploration of hidden desires which lie beyond the wormhole; discover a torrent of new and exciting stories on earth and throughout the universe while experiencing love that will not be denied. Ride the waves of the multiverse and get ready to experience the twists and turns of desire. Enjoy the voyage.
Def: an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.
I surpassed another author milestone yesterday in a month that I needed something good to happen to stave off the sombreness of a terrible event that happened this time last year. I won’t go into what happened last year, but I want to share my new exciting news.
My book received a Five Star Review from Literary Titan and went on to receive their Five Star Gold Book Award, with the following review
“Her Lover’s Face by Patricia Elliott is an intriguing and captivating novel that offers readers a whirlwind of twists, turns, and surprises. This family drama interweaves romance, suspense, and danger to create a beautiful and complex novel. The story centers around two imperfect individuals, and the novel opens with the death of Laryssa’s abusive husband. This sets the stage for the struggle that Laryssa, who is pregnant, must face as she navigates a new life free from her abusive partner.
What sets this book apart from many other romance novels is its depiction of the complexities of relationships. Elliott expertly portrays the flaws in her characters, ensuring that readers are unable to identify a clear hero or heroine. Instead, the novel explores the gray areas that exist within human relationships, effectively capturing the nuances that make them so intricate. The author also skillfully portrays the differences between the ways men and women think and react in certain situations, creating a narrative that feels true to life.
Laryssa’s character is the backbone of this story, and the author has done an excellent job of portraying her struggles as she tries to come to terms with her newfound freedom. When she meets Alex, who bears a striking resemblance to her late husband, the attraction between them is undeniable. However, Laryssa is determined not to surrender her power to anyone and seeks to define the terms of her own love and life. Unfortunately, both Alex and Laryssa are plagued with trust issues and a lack of understanding of each other, making it clear that they both require therapy to resolve their issues.
Her Lover’s Face is an excellent read that offers a nuanced exploration of human relationships, filled with engaging and multifaceted characters that will keep readers captivated until the last page.”
It’s been one of those years where your life changes drastically forever, forcing you to change with it. I’m sure some of you can relate to that line very specifically. I hope for most of you that that wasn’t the case unless it was a good change, then right on!!!
But sadly for my family and I, we had a family loss that hit hard to the core. My husband and the father of my kids passed away unexpectedly in April, on my dad’s birthday no less. We had been separated for a few years due to things he’d gotten into after he had a life altering accident took him down a path he wouldn’t ever recover from
Yes, he fell prey to the fentanyl epidemic. Never in my entire life did I think that our family would face a loss of this type. Never thought he’d become a statistic, one of many to lose their lives to this horrible drug, but sadly, he did.
Yesterday, I was going through my basement trying to clean it up and I kept coming across clothes that belonged to him and other things that reminded me of my time with him. It brought me to tears because of how much we’d been through and how long we had been together for.
All that we’d been through had even made me stop writing. I just couldn’t write anymore. I became disillusioned at love or even what love was supposed to look like. How could I write about love when I couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to look like anymore? I lost my drive and my ambition. All I could do was get up every day go to work, come home, make dinner, and just survive another day. Pretend to be happy when deep down I was one stroke away from crying.
My kids were from a broken home. That’s not something I envisioned going into my marriage. And even when my husband was at home, our house was broken. He was full of anger and resentment. I thought by staying I was giving the kids what they needed, but they needed to see a healthy relationship and we didn’t have that. I stayed because of my vows, in sickness and in health. It wasn’t until my house physically became unsafe that I found the strength to separate and it should have been long before that if I’m truly honest with myself.
We separated in 2019 after he got more heavily into addiction. He started making decisions that brought the police to our door. The final time they came, they told him that if they had to come again, they would act. On one hand they failed us because they should have seen that he needed help but apparently their hands were tied.
Over the last few years, he did want to come home, but because he refused to get help, I had to stand my ground. And other mom’s or families who have gone through addition with their loved ones, knows how hard it is to say no. Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened had I let him come home. Would he have used fentanyl that day? Would he still be alive if I let him be with us? Then I realize I can’t go that route. You can’t change what is. And thinking about that just takes you down a rabbit hole that is hard to find your way out of.
Last year, I was finally beginning to see that he wasn’t going to change, so I started to work on myself and who I wanted to be as Patricia. I began pulling away, guarding my heart. I began to wonder if more was out there and was there such a thing as a healthy relationship? Could I even find someone who would love me? I mean, if I wasn’t enough to keep my husband away from drugs and he would pick them over me, was I even worth something to someone?
Does love really exist? I mean I saw it in my parents, but what about for me? Again though, I was still married, so I put it to the side, still praying and hoping that things would change and my husband would come back better than ever…until the day I got “the call” that changed our lives.
That’s when I crumbled. That’s when I knew that my happily ever after with him would never come into existence and now I had to forge my own path. Find out who I was as just a woman and a mother. Did I even know how to live as just myself, see myself as single. I had to reevaluate everything in my life and decide what I wanted. I kept the job I was in over the years because I felt safe and secure in it. But I knew that even that needed to change. I needed to know that I could handle more, that I could excel at something and become more than what I was.
Sometimes I think that we don’t realize that we deserve more. We just get into this state of existing that we forget to reach for our dreams, forget that there is more out there. The abuse traps us into a state of just trying to exist, trying to keep pulling for another day hoping and praying for change…when in reality, we need to be that change. We need to find the strength to rise and do what is best for us.
I know what it was like to stay during abuse. I know the strength it takes to say no to letting them come home. I know the desire to take them back and hope that they’ve changed, but you quickly learn that they haven’t when the cycle of abuse starts again. You get so disillusioned and don’t feel that there is more out there, even though some small part of you knows there is.
But I’m here to tell you, there is more. There is a better life. You just have to find the strength to go after it, and believe that you deserve it. I know you don’t believe you deserve more, or you don’t think more is out there, but when you finally take that step, you’ll find it waiting for you. The cloud of abuse covering our eyes falls away. And while the pain may not disappear, you will be able to make room for being happy and when you are able to open and find room for more, you’ll find that true love is out there too.
And that my dear readers is my year. While I still have my sad moments, my life has changed and happiness has found it’s way back in again. And along with it, my desire to write about love came back, so be prepared for more stories ahead because I’ve found my voice again. And it wants to roarrrrrrrr.
Do you find yourself unable to finish a story? Do you get half-way through and lose your interest in it? Do other ideas sound more appealing?
What if I was to tell you that what you feel is perfectly normal? It’s a phase that every writer goes through when they reach a certain point in the story, usually about half-way or three-quarters of the way through. Sometimes it can happen earlier if you don’t write on a daily basis and keep your mind engaged in the story. As writers, our minds move a mile a minute, always searching for the next story, and new ideas feel like a brand new toy.
But that doesn’t mean the story you are writing now is boring or that it isn’t any good; so, don’t let your excitement for that new idea make you think that your current one sucks. I can tell you 100 percent that if you stopped your old story and started the new idea, you’d have the exact same problem mid-way through when another idea came your way. Ideas never stop, so write it in an idea book and stay the course, my dear writer. Your new idea will still be there when it comes time to write it.
Once you learn the pattern and phases a writer goes through, it gets easy to continue on the journey instead of giving up. And once you finish one story, it gets easier to finish the next. But if you keep giving up, you build a pattern too…one of never finishing what you start. And you don’t want that to be you.
It’s the same with any goal really. After doing something for a while, the initial excitement ebbs and other things look more fun; but, if you push through it and keep writing, you’ll make it to the end. Be stubborn!
What do you think of when you see this phrase? I know your thoughts have probably drifted to those who are commissioned to write a story that will ultimately have someone else’s name on the cover by the end of it.
ghostwriter – a writer who gives the credit of authorship to someone else.
But like so many words in the English language that have more than one meaning, I feel that another definition fits this word to a T. If your a writer, you will likely relate to what I’m about to say in some way. Have you ever made a post on social media and received little to no interaction? You try anything and everything, and yet, you can’t seem to hit the viral cord like others do.
You might even try what others have, but still you seem to remain the wallflower like we used to be at high school dances. We’ve become the virtual wallflowers now. *lol*
Some might assume that you are just posting boring content, but I think if someone makes a post and states they are buying books and asks for recommendations, and no one posts, then the problem definitely isn’t you…because who doesn’t want to sell their books?
Every writer wants to be seen and to sell their books. And I’ve seen hundreds of similar posts with tons of interactions, so what relegates some users to the virtual wallflower corner while others hit the viral overload? And is there a way out of it’s deep dark web once the infamous algorithm has assigned it to you?
So I think the term fits us well. We’re ghost writers without even meaning to be. haha
What do you think?
New Release by Virginia Wallace
Most of us are used to having our relationships handed to us. Siblings, parents, family friends …
But sometimes those relationships don’t quite work out, do they? Sometimes the relationships that matter most are the ones that we chose for ourselves, or that Fate chose for us. Sometimes, the dearest family is a family of friends.
Thus I present to you these four stories, stories about the relationships that matter most. They may not be ingrained into our DNA, or forced upon us by society, but their influence lingers on nevertheless.
Life isn’t always about blood, or social familiarity. No, life more often consists of the bonds that we forge during our most vulnerable moments.
‘Eternally October’ is a book about those moments, and how they define our lives.
Patricia Elliott 